On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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