you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
