I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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