I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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