don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
