so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to fling myself into the sun
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
