I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
