i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
