also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
