I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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