i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
