Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
