So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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