We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
