I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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