You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
