i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
