apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
