yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
