Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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