Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
