A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
