Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i out mim tonsoeep
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