woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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