so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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