Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
