I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
FUCK WHALES
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