Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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