Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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