Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
