so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
