I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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