The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
