i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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