Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
