good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
