how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
