I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
