Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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