im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
