You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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