I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
