worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
