dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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