Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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