So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
