You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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