i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
