I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
