Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
